I just don’t know who to vote for. I was really excited about Cruz, but then Trump let us know that Cruz was a “nasty guy” and a “basket case.” So I thought, OK then, I’m voting for Trump. But then Rubio let the cat out of the bag and told us that Trump has small hands. So then I was like, I definitely can’t vote for Trump now. So I got interested in Rubio. But then Trump informed us Rubio has big ears! Everybody knows somebody with big ears cannot become president. So then I looked to the other side.
Madeline Albright said there is a special place in hell if you don’t vote for Clinton. That really scared me. I don’t want to burn in hell for eternity, so I got on Hillary’s bandwagon. But I think Madeline said if you are a woman you have to vote for Hillary. Since I’m not a woman, I was relieved to avoid that special place in hell in case I changed my mind about Hillary. But I thought, what the heck—let me check out Rubio again. But once again I was gob smacked when I heard that Rubio drank a lot of water. So I abandoned Rubio a second time. I warmed up to Trump again. Trump had said part of the reason Mitt Romney couldn’t win against Obama was that Romney walked like a penguin. Then it hit me. Yes! Yes! That is the exact reason why Romney lost. But then Romney got on TV today and said Trump was a total phony, and my spirits are crushed once again. But alas, I let my love of music guide me.
Reginald Dwight (aka Elton John) played and sang in NYC yesterday and said Hillary Clinton is the only hope for America. Because he played his piano so well, Dwight finally convinced me to vote for Hillary. I am so thankful that the media is there to help me decide these things. I would be lost without them. I am so glad we are living in the information age.